


Rejected: Left on the Hard Cold Ground

by Maggiluisa



Series: REJECTION [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dreams, Friendship, Grief, Hate, M/M, Ones, Pain, Rejected, Rejection, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, bonded, too much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maggiluisa/pseuds/Maggiluisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he will feel is pain and his heart crushed with grief.</p><p>Thorin continued to rejected poor Bilbo, will the pain be too much to bear. Will he be able to make it to Erebor after so much pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rejected: Left on the Hard Cold Ground

REJECTION 

 

The dew of the morning  
Sunk chill on my brow-  
It felt like the warning  
Of what I feel now.  
Thy vows are all broken,  
And light is thy fame:  
I hear thy name spoken  
And share in its shame.  
-Lord Byron

 

Cold

 

The King continued to look at him with disdain. He had seen the way his Majesty almost advanced towards him with rage, as if he was going to kill him then and there. 

He had given Master Balin the contract when he was getting his pack. They seemed surprised he was going, as if Thorin had said something to them. Would the King have told them how he had rejected him long ago. He didn't think the King wanted others to know he was his soul bond. Will they treat him differently, pity him. He had hoped to keep it between them, he didn't want the others to know he was unworthy, unwanted.

He took a few steps away from Him. Thorin had backed him up against the wall. The King wouldn't kill him, would he. He looked around, they were alone. He was so close to Him he could feel the heat radiating off. His heart betrayed him, beating fast, growing with warmth, asking him to reach for his other half.

“What do you think you're doing? Hadn't I made it perfectly clear! Must I spell it out for you! Even after three years I have not changed my mind! YOU! ARE! NOT! WANTED!” 

He flinched as if Thorin just struck him. He ripped his heart out from his chest. He calmly stands before Him but he's dying on from the inside. His heart grew colder, the warmth that grew from standing so near, disappeared. This was the third rejection. The King must have seen a flash of pain. Bilbo saw him smirk as he saw what pain he had caused. He did not think Him so cruel. He hid the pain not wanting to show him more of the damage he'd caused. He had learned in his youth to hide his emotions, thanks to the hobbits of Hobbiton, especially Lobelia. Excruciating pain corsed thru him. He controlled his body from shaking.

“Yes, you have made it very clear then and now. Unfortunately for you, I have signed the contract. I am going. I'm not going for you but for myself. Now, I will stay away from you and I expect you will do the same.” He watched what he said, he didn't want to accidentally reject the King.

“You won't survive the first week on this journey, halfling!”

The King looked at him with such hate. What had he done to him? Nothing! Thorin was so disgusted with having him as a soul bond, was he that repulsive. Did he look so pathetic to him, he must always look and treat him as an enemy. He hoped Thorin didn't throw him off some mountain or leave him on the road.

“See that you don't get in my way! My dwarrows don't need to babysit a fragile babe on this important quest.”

“I will Your Majesty.” was all he could tell him. What else could he say to him, he didn't want to be dismembered before he even had the chance to walk out the door. He waited until the King walked away from him. He tried not to sob as he leaned against the wall. It was painful, unbearable at times; the way Thorin looked at him, it was so agonizing. Nothing was going to keep him warm, the King had just seen to that. He will take the pain, he wished he could become numb again. He had survive those few years because of it. Now he had to survive the Quest, with his soul bond so near. He needed to somehow help the King regain his home. That's all he could do, maybe that's all he's meant for.

They were waiting for him outside, he had to hurry before the King yelled at him again. He still needed to leave the letters to his uncle in Gamgees mail box along with the key to Bag End. He turned to look at his home one last time. He knew he wouldn't survive the end of this journey, much less make the trip back. He will miss Bag End, it was the only comfort he's had since his parents. It held more painful memories than good one's but it was still home. Touching the gate one last time, he turned to follow his destiny.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

He hadn't been to Bree these past few years. He couldn't go, his mind subconsciously prevented him from going anywhere that reminded him of Him. He tried to go deep into himself, be lost in happier memories but those were few and far between. The kiss he tried not to remember, it was the worst form of torture, for his already broken heart. He laid on the bed, trying to will his body to sleep. He had not slept these past few days. When he did finally get to close his eyes, he saw their first meeting, the first touch of becoming complete, their sweet and tender kiss, then having it ripped away from him. 

He didn't like this room, it reminded him of Him, of his pain. How else could he call Thorin but, Him, he wasn't his soul bond, he couldn't call him that, he never was and never will be. He turned to look at Bofur, they were sharing the bed. He had put as much distance between them as he could. He had been scandalized at first, how could they expect him to share a bed with someone who wasn't his soul bond. But they didn't have enough rooms and beds. It wasn't as if he was betraying his soul bond, he didn't even have a soul bond anymore. He doubted Thorin could care where he slept or with whom he shared his bed. As he shouldn't care where the King slept. It still hurt all the same.

Bilbo lamented, why did he have to meet his soul bond? Why couldn't it have been another! Someone else he was sure, would have accepted him completely. He wouldn't be here trying to stay alive, keep preventing himself from fading.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

He had rushed to touch him, he felt complete with one small touch. As if he had always been lost and just found his home. Warmed spread all thru him, burning his heart. He felt the spark of life grow, a blazing fire that grew with each breath.

The kiss was so beautiful, he was tender as their lips touched.

Than he felt the dwarf pushed him away, his soul bond frowned and looked furious.

“I do not accept this bond.” 

What! This can not be real. “I don't understand. Are you rejection the bond?”

“I am.”

He couldn't believe him. “Might I ask your reasons for rejection me?” his heart was already dead and cold.

His soul bonds mask crumbles and all that is left is fury and disgust. “Do you think, i would be happy to be saddled with a weak hobbit as a soul bond! I have tried accepting this but i can't. Have the Gods mocked me enough! I don't deserve to have someone like you to belong by my side!”

Bilbo awoke with a choked sob, tears already running down his face. He must have fallen asleep, his dreams, his nightmares reminding him of his pain. He tried to hold in his sobs, he didn't want Bofur to see and hear him. He didn't wish to explain why he cried but he had not succeed. 

The dwarf so unlike the other, brought him to his chest. He didn't deserve to be consoled, this was his fault, he deserved this pain. He was unworth, a King deserved so much better than a weak hobbit. But he couldn't help it, he held onto the dwarf. No one had held him since his mother. Never been touched by another but that small kiss. No one had consoled him, he had always suffered alone. Bofur held him as he let all his grief go, the pain he had held for three years and more. Being rejected not once, twice but thrice. As if it wasn't enough the first time. He had to be reminded he was nothing, no one worth loving. He was rejection by his mother, the other hobbits and then his soul bond.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bofur held the wee hobbit as he sobbed in his arms. He had been awoken by someone cries. At first he thought it was Bifur, they sounded the same as he's heard before. The death of your soul bond, your One, or being rejected. Dwarrows didn't reject their One's, if Mahal had blessed them with one, they were treasures worth more than your own life. 

He wondered why the hobbit cried so. His soul bond must be dead because who could reject such a kind hobbit. Master Baggins looked like he lived alone. He hoped the little Hobbit wouldn't suffer so much. He felt pity for him, he had never felt the call, he had no soul bond. He had always wanted one but since he didn't feel the call he figured it was for the best. He had seen the pain it caused to lose your One. He never wanted to feel that pain but would have welcomed it. He held the hobbit, letting him get it all out. On the journey it wouldn't be wise to let your guard down. He turned to see his brother and cousin, telling them to back to sleep.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bilbo felt warm, he hasn't felt like this in a very long time. He tried to soak it in, savor this moment, a small treasure for when he needed it. He snuggled into the warmth, smelling cheap pipe weed, wood and leather. Where did the smell come from. He drifted back to sleep but was shaken by his pillow. 

“Master Baggins, it's time to get up. We need to be leavin soon.” 

Bilbo groaned and snuggled deeper into the warmth. He signed with satisfaction but stopped when he heard the other chuckle. Bilbo jumped, pushing himself off the other. He felt his face heat up, he felt horrified. All that happened came back to him, he had clinged to the other as if he was a faunting. Sobbing into his chest and had used him as a heat warmer. He couldn't apologize enough for his impropriety.

“No need to be apologizing. I don't mind. It seems you needed the comfort. We should be gettin ready to leave. Are you feelin better.” 

He was still embarrassed but felt a lot better. His heart still felt cold with an ache in his chest but it wasn't so bad anymore. 

“Thank you. Master Bofur, I feel much better. Again I'm sorry to have been such a nuisance.”

Bofur reassured him, helping him gather his things. Telling him to call him Bofur, he was no master. 

They still had a long way to go, this was only the beginning. 

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Thorin was angry, no, angry wasn't sufficient enough word. He was beyond furious, had he not told halfling, he wanted nothing from him. Why is he coming to a quest that will get him killed. He didn't want him, he didn't ask for this. Why was Mahal so cruel. Hasn't he suffered enough. He was given such a weak soul bond. This was all a mistake, he was sure of it. 

He had felt the call of his One. He had been surprised and would have accepted it but then he saw him. The halfling, a weak, fat little creature with pointy ears like a disgusting elf. But he tried accepting the bond, he had kissed his bonded. But it felt so right and so wrong. This was too much, he didn't deserve this as his One. Completion was replaced with revulsion. He had a choice as all dwarrows do, accept the bond in marriage, accept the bond in friendship or reject the bond. No one ever rejected their soul bond but what other choices did he have. He rejected the bond, he didn't need a pathetic pointy eared half elf by his side.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bofur kept Bilbo close to him, he had instantly liked the fuzzy little thing. He wanted to make him laugh and smile. He didn't tell the other dwarrows of what had happened but knew his brother and cousin had heard the sobbing. They most of all understood the pain of losing your One, they have felt and seen it. They made a silent vow to watch over the hobbit, he wasn't meant for the journey. Bofur didn't understand how the hobbit was so cold as he held him. He had tried giving him as much warmth as he could. Perhaps hobbits were different, for dwarrows ran hot at all times. 

At night he would place the little hobbit between him and Bifur. The hobbit had remained quiet during their journey. He had tried to get him to talk or give any reaction. He noticed he became even more quiet or withdrawn when their illustrious leader was near or glared at the poor thing. He could see Thorin didn't think much of the poor creature, he was a bit frail and wasn't meant for the kind of life they had but he didn't have to belittle him all the time. All he could do is give him as much comfort as he was allowed. The hobbit still sobbed in his sleep, often calling out to his soul bond. Small silent whimpers only he could hear. It broke his heart each time.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bilbo was grateful for Bofur, the kind dwarf did everything he could to welcome him. Teaching him how to ride the pony, camp and gather wood. He had finally cracked a smile when Bofur praised him for being able to use his daggers, hitting every mark. They had brought in some rabbits and he was helping Bombur cook. From behind Bofur was telling the lads that he was the one that had hunted the rabbits and had amazing skill with his daggers.

“So the little imp can do something. I'm surprised he lasted the first week.”

Bilbo grew colder, the King had just called him an imp. He knew he was useless but he tried to help as much as he could. What little warmth he felt was gone. Bilbo withdraw into himself, deep in his mind were the King couldn't hurt him. His body was on autopilot, using his cooking instincts. He responded when spoken too but was more of a hollow vessel.

Bofur grew afraid, he's seen that dead look before on Bifur. The hobbit had just retreated deep into himself and he didn't know the hobbit enough to get him out of it. He shot his King a glare. How could he speak to the poor fella in such a way. Hadn't he not seen how much the hobbit was suffering, how he lost his soul bond. Was he the only one that can see the hobbits pain. Was he the only one that had grown to care for the hobbit, helping him in every way he could. He hoped the King hadn't done irrevocable damage.

The night passed without any progress, Bilbo was too far gone. He had sat him down between him and Bifur, making sure he ate all his food. He told him about his childhood, work as a miner and love of making toys for children. They shielded him from Thorin as much as possible but they didn't need to sometimes; the hobbit it seems was aware of the King's presence because he would always be as far away from him as possible. 

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bofur became desperate, Bilbo had not awoken. He was still a shadow that followed, did as asked without emotion. The others had began to notice but had not said or done anything. He had asked Gandalf to do something.

“There is nothing I can do. Bilbo will come out of it on his own.”

“What if he doesn't. Bilbo had lost his soul bond, he calls out to him in his sleep as he sobbed.”

Gandalf was surprised, he didn't know the hobbit had lost his soul bond. How was he was still alive. How had he missed it. He just thought Bilbo needed an adventure to aid him in his lonely life.

“No hobbit survived the death of their soul bond, unless they had children to hold them to this world. I believe Bilbo is strong he will come thru this.” 

He didn't mention to Bofur, Bilbo was probably already fading.

Bofur was in shock, he didn't tell the others. He didn't want Thorin to just leave the hobbit behind because of his state. He couldn't believe hobbits died without the One's. Dwarrows would feel great sorrow and grief but didn't die. They continued to live as much as they could, their craft and family helping them. The hobbit was strong, if he had lost his soul bond and had survived, he didn't know how long he's been without them.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bofur had sent Bilbo to give the lads their dinner, he didn't think he wined up tied on a spit by some trolls. He was worried for the hobbit he was just sitting there with his dead expression. He called out to him but the hobbit could not hear him. He continued even after the trolls kept beating him.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bilbo heard his name being called. The fog was thick, it moved all around him. He kept hearing it, his name, asking him to wake. He didn't want to listen, if he woke up, he would feel pain. So much pain, unbearable, this was so much better. He felt numb, all around him, grey fog. A painless world where nothing could hurt him.

“Bilbo!”

Again his name. The voice sounded familiar, someone called out to him. The one that called to him, never caused him pain. He was his light out of darkness, always gave him comfort, strength and warmth.

“Bilbo!”

“Bofur.”

That was Bofur, his friend. What was going on. It was fuzzy, coming out of the fog. He knew Bofur wouldn't hurt him. He blinked looking all around him. What had happened? Why were they in such smelly sacks. He felt Him stare, the negative hateful stare. He didn't turn to see He was behind him. He just looked for Bofur, he needed him. He was alarmed Bofur was roasting on a spit. He had to save them. He had to think of something, think Bilbo Baggins what should you do.

“Stop! You're making a terrible mistake. You can't eat these dwarrows, they are infected with a terrible disease. There insides are full of bad blood that will kill you.”

“Disease!” yelled one troll as he dropped Bombur on poor Kili.

“Yes, did you not know. Had they not told you. Well I believe they wished to trick you for capturing them. A very bad ending for you and they will get their revenge.”

The troll fought among themselves, debating what is to be done with the dwarrows. They turned looking at him, coming closer they asking him:

“What do we do? Let them all go and have them kill us in our sleep.”

“Well, we will leave, there isn't any need to kill anyone.” 

“The little ferrite lies!”

“Ferrite!”

In that moment Gandalf had finally appeared.

“May dawn take you all!”

“Can we eat him? Does he have a disease?”

Gandalf cracked the rock with his walking stick. Bringing the sun to shine on the trolls, turning them to stone. The dwarrows cheered at being saved. Bilbo was just relieved they were all alive.

Gandalf helped Bilbo and some of the others out of their sacks. Thorin pushed his way thru the dwarrows to get to Bilbo. Bilbo felt Him before he saw Him, moving behind Gandalf.

“What do you think you were doing, halfling! You almost got us killed!”

“Thorin, he saved everyone's life by stalling for time. Do not yell at him.”

“The useless halfling put all of us at risk! This was precisely why I didn't want to bring him. He's nothing but a nuisance!”

Gandalf stood tall, as before, he used his magic. All around him shadows came forth before the King.

Thorin’s eyes grew wide, he saw Gandalf and knew he shouldn't fight with the wizard, a battle he would never win.

“Bilbo is useful. He is a very good hunter and can use his daggers very well.” Bofur had finally been free and ran to the hobbits defence. Putting Bilbo behind him.

“What would you know! You have just met him.”

“More than you my King. I have taken the time to know him.”

“He is useless!” Thorin didn't say more with Gandalf so near. He still feel his body tingling as if Gandalf was placing a curse on him.

“Bilbo had suffered enough, he doesn't need you…” but Bofur was interrupted by Bilbo pulling his arm.

“Please, stop arguing.”

Bofur looked at Bilbo, his big green eyes pleading with him. Bofur sighed. How had he let the sweet hobbit so deep into his heart.

“His isn't worth my breath!” Thorin said, walking away from them. Gandalf followed Thorin, as the King issued orders.

Bilbo still looked at his friend giving him a small smile.Bofur was just checking him, to see if he was injured.

“How long was I gone?”

Bofur knew what his little hobbit spoke of. He looked at Bilbo in the eyes. 

“A week.”

Bilbo sighed looking down at his feet. He couldn't remember anything. It was all foggy, he just remembered pain. Than going deep into himself, shielding his heart from Him.

“I don't remember what happened and I don't want to know. I just hope I didn't do anything silly, while I was gone.”

“Nothing you would be embarrassed about. Now why don't we get our things.”

They retrieved their camping gear. When they returned Gandalf was talking with, what appeared to be another wizard but his one looked madder than Gandalf. Or perhaps not, since Gandalf thinks it's a good idea to give him a sword. 

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bilbo didn't think he would have made the first few steps without Bofur help. They ran as fast as they could but it wasn't enough. The wargs bearing the orcs were upon them. He looked at Him one last time. If he was going to be ripped into pieces, he wanted Thorin to be the last thing he saw.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

He was never so glad to be alive. They had made it out. He looked at Rivendell, it was more than he could have imagined.

Bilbo wandered the gardens, he was a bit envious. His garden was beautiful but this was so much more. He wished to fade here, this place would be perfect resting spot. He was tired, he hadn't been sleeping well, with his nightmares plaguing his mind. He sat down on the grass, feeling it thru his finger. He laid his head down, looking up at the sky, the sun was setting. It was such a beautiful sight, he felt at peace.

**********

Thorin follows him to his rooms, they look at each other for far too long. Slowing walking to meet halfway. Thorin bring his hand to cup his cheek. Bilbo looked into his soul bond eyes asking him: ‘Where have you been? I've been searching for you.’  
‘I'm sorry it took me so long to find you.’ Thorin would tell him.  
‘It doesn't matter, you're here now.’ he'd say. Kissing him with such passion and love. Thorin holding him against his chest, the feeling of being whole. His heart blazing with such intensity, his seed grew with love and life.

*********  
Bilbo awoke in the grass, it was just a dream. It wasn't real. It felt so real, he could still feel the heat on his body and lips. He couldn't hold it in any longer. His body shook as his sobs escaped him. He trembled, his body shutting down. Why did he have to dream of something that will never happen.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bofur had been looking for the hobbit. This is how he found him. Curled into a ball as he sobbed into his fists. He ran to his hobbit. Bringing him to his chest, he felt so lost. How was he to give him comfort. He couldn't replace Bilbo's One. He mourned with Bilbo, he wished he had been his soul bond. He would never had left him all alone. He held him as Bilbo drifted back to sleep. He was so cold. Why was he so cold? Is this how it began, his hobbit was dying. Was he going to freeze from the inside out. Bofur just held him, rubbing Bilbo arms and legs. Trying to give him as much warmth as he could. He picked him up, his little hobbit hasn't been eating well, he weighed nothing at all.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Thorin had seen the hobbit had become a shadow, he's seen that happen to dwarrows that have lost their One's. He felt guilty but crushed it down. He knew the halfling wasn't his, he had rejected him but he didn't like how the miner held him. He wanted to rip him from the others chest. But he did nothing, he crushed the jealousy he was feeling. He walked away from them before he did something he would regret.

His mood grew worse, he wanted to leave. He hated being here with his enemies. He hated feeling anything for the halfling. He barked orders, they were finally leaving this cursed place.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Bilbo stayed by Bofur’s side, his dear friend kept him warm. His heart was cold from so much pain but the toy maker had given him so much strength. He wanted to stay in Rivendell but he couldn't they had to leave soon. The King still needed him, he needed to give Him his home back.

******

The fading is already here, it cannot be stopped. The pain is too great. Nothing can save me.


End file.
